I remember my childhood with my younger sister, shes my adopted sister, we were both adopted as babies. We had our moments, but on the whole got on well most of the time. I've always looked out for her, helped her out, when she was in a violent relationship, stayed and helped her when her husband was out shagging another women while she was in hospital having thier daughter. And she helped me when I split up from my first husband. I always felt that we'd be close and remain close always. Two years ago she was going through a bad patch, as she'd just split with a fella and was feeling very low, as it was getting near to her birthday, me and my husband thought it might be nice if we asked her to come on holiday with us, her and my niece. We payed for it for her birthday. So a couple of months later, off we all went, me and hubby, my 3 kids and my sister and her daughter. Unfortunately, between the weeks of organising the holiday and going, my birth mum who I'd found a few years before became ill quite suddenly and was rushed into hospital and died a couple of days later, also my husbands dad had been unwell had some tests only to discover he had cancer, nothing they could do, it had spread too far. So within 3 weeks of each other, my birth mother died and was cremated and 1 week later my husbands father died then was cremated. We were 2 weeks away from going on holiday and although neither one of us was really in the mood to go on holiday, we didn't feel we wanted to let the kids down, or my sister and niece as they hadn't been on holiday for years, so we decided to still go. We tried to be jolly as much as we could, obviously my kids were also a bit subdued as they had lost grandparents. Anyway the holiday ended and we all went home. A week later I had a letter from my sister saying that she hadn't enjoyed the holiday and wishes that she hadn't gone because we were miserable the whole time and didn't take her out enough, or go drinking or clubbing at night, which isn't my thing anyway. She said when your on holiday you should go out exploring everday, and that she'd felt trapped because she doesn't drive. Funny really, we were on a large holiday park with lots to do. Anyway to cut a long story short, after we'd paid for her to go, hired another car for the week and given her ��100 spending money to help her out and we bought all the food, I felt utterly deflated, and very hurt. My sister just didn't get that we were grieving and didn't feel our selves, all she seemed bothered about was the fact that we had ruined her holiday and she wished she'd stayed at home. I sat and thought about it for a while then wrote back to her explaining how I'd felt about my birth mother dying so suddenly and being with her when she died and how upset my husband had been when his father had died in the night and he hadn't been able to get to hospital in time to be with him. I also told her that she had deeply hurt me by saying she wishes she hadn't bothered coming and that I wouldnt do anything like that again as she was ungrateful. Ever since then she hasn't spoken to me. Then a few weeks ago our adoptive mum collapsed and was rushed into hospital, my dad phoned me, but couldn't say much as he was in a state. I decided to phone my sister to ask her to phone me and let me know what was happening at the hospital so my dad didn't have to worry about anything but my mum, my sister lives just round the corner from the hospital, but I live 5 hours away. Anyway, when I phoned her she wouldn't even talk to me, once she realised it was me, she hung up, my mum is now OK, but we didn't know what was the matter at the time and I just can't believe that she won't have anything to do with me. She told my son as far as shes concerned I'm dead. I don't really know how to feel, sometimes I feel so angry towards her and I hate her, other times I sit and cry because I feel I've lost my closest friend, But what can I do, I feel for my parents as this makes it hard for them aswell. It may seem hard, but I have now decided to give up trying, you can't make somone love you or have a relationship with you.. I just sometimes wonder if I hadn't been so caring in the first place and taken her on holiday, whether we'd still be talking!! Am I the only one who has done something nice for a family member only to have it thrown back in your face and end so badly, I'd be interested to know!!


Comments

  • WebbyWeds said Oct 19, 2006...
    I think your sister is very selfish, foolish, ungrateful and insensitive.  With friends like her, who needs enemies?  If she weren't family, I would say that you're better off without her.  I cannot say that, however, because I believe family should stick together.  If I were you, I would try to repair your friendship, but I would never do anything like that for her ever again.
  • GinaBina said Jan 8, 2008...
    Wow your sister is definitely in the wrong here. I kknow how you feel. My sister won't talk to me either. I don't know what I did, but she talks to everyone else but me. All I know is that it started with my brothers girlfriend who she does not like. And no one else really has any problems with her. Well after my sister having a break down about the whole thing she must have felt I wasn't on her side or something. Mind you she is 31 and acting like a child. Ever since her little breakdown, she won't even hold a conversation with me. I ask her what I did to hurt her and she hangs up on me. I fee I will never feel the same about her ever again. My sister, a sister would not do this to a family memeber, this is just crazy... I think. Sometimes I think it is because she is 31 and at home and doesn't have a job right now because she wanted a career change. But why should she take that out on me. I just don't understand it. Some people say maybe she is upset that her younger sister has a place with her boyfriend and has a job, but she used to be so happy for me, i just don't get it. I really hope things work out for you. I know how you feel and it is awful, you were just eing nice and trying to help her out and going through your own grieving at the time, I am sorry that you had to endure such pain from a family member, but know you aren't alone. Gina
  • babysister said Oct 31, 2009...
    My sister won't speak or have anything to do with me since our Moms death. How do I do this alone. It's so difficult. I know that I am truly alone. My Mom's sister, my Aunt and her family the same. How do I feel better?
  • cascross said Dec 1, 2009...
    my sister will not talk to any of the family she hasnt talked to me my brother mum and dad for nearly a year and a half and noone knows what we have done
  • Snowpatrol said Dec 14, 2009...
    I really sympathise with you because my sister has not spoken to me since 2005 and will not even tell me why she won't speak to me. Like you I am very angry at her since it has made me feel unwell ever since. She won't reply to my letters and told people not to give me her new phone number or address but I found her new address but she just ignores my letters or sends them back torn into pieces. I think it is cruel of her not to tell me to my face why she is doing this to me. She is meant to be my best friend but instead she has damaged my health by refusing to even tell me why she is doing this to me. She has told people lies about me ie someone told me she had told them I had been shouting at her which is not true. She apparently says she never wants to see me or speak to me again. She could be cruel but now I think she is evil too since it is an astonishingly nasty wasy to treat me.
  • SisterKelly said Jun 14, 2010...
    wow all my fellow sisters i have read ea. 1 of these post an my heart goes out to all of you, i to an having sister issues, my sis i grew up w/ 3 yrs older than i our friendship/ sistershood has pretty much always been on her terms to be involved in my life or my childrens (family) then i have a 1/2 sis. that i haven't seen in almost 10-12 yrs that i have recently reached out to an we spoke alot (have yet to see one another again) reasoning was a misunderstanding of hurtful words form our father to me, which i have forgiven an we have recnnected our relationship as well, that being said my issues is my 1/2 sis is an adult an is 10 yr younger than i we spoke openly an great over the phone for about a month i call her an if no answer i leave a mess an she call me back an we talk for hrs. an laugh an we creod together just form all the time that has past. well anyways she 3 months pregant an i am so happy-excited for her. an now for no unknow reason she has cut me out completly. i am very sad an i don't understand in anyway shape or form as to why. i have sent have tried 3-4 times to get plans to meet her where ever she was comfy with. as she lives about 1 hr away. it hadn't worked out yet now she won't reply to my txt or calls. i don't want to give up or drive her crazy as after in gthe last 4 days i've 5 txt mess. n no reply i called an left 2 voice mess. , i told her ifi said soemthing to upset her i was sorry an i am unaware i mean really i am unaware. but still i losing sleep over this an i been praying about it an have come to the counlison. to give her room an let her approach me if she chooses to. i will not lie this is hard............. i know i have tried w/ homest an best intention ........ thank
  • SisterKelly said Jun 14, 2010...
    wow all my fellow sisters i have read ea. 1 of these post an my heart goes out to all of you, i to an having sister issues, my sis i grew up w/ 3 yrs older than i our friendship/ sistershood has pretty much always been on her terms to be involved in my life or my childrens (family) then i have a 1/2 sis. that i haven't seen in almost 10-12 yrs that i have recently reached out to an we spoke alot (have yet to see one another again) reasoning was a misunderstanding of hurtful words form our father to me, which i have forgiven an we have recnnected our relationship as well, that being said my issues is my 1/2 sis is an adult an is 10 yr younger than i we spoke openly an great over the phone for about a month i call her an if no answer i leave a mess an she call me back an we talk for hrs. an laugh an we creod together just form all the time that has past. well anyways she 3 months pregant an i am so happy-excited for her. an now for no unknow reason she has cut me out completly. i am very sad an i don't understand in anyway shape or form as to why. i have sent have tried 3-4 times to get plans to meet her where ever she was comfy with. as she lives about 1 hr away. it hadn't worked out yet now she won't reply to my txt or calls. i don't want to give up or drive her crazy as after in gthe last 4 days i've 5 txt mess. n no reply i called an left 2 voice mess. , i told her ifi said soemthing to upset her i was sorry an i am unaware i mean really i am unaware. but still i losing sleep over this an i been praying about it an have come to the counlison. to give her room an let her approach me if she chooses to. i will not lie this is hard............. i know i have tried w/ homest an best intention ........ thank
  • cinderelli said Feb 3, 2011...
    My sister don't bother with me anymore either, no matter how nice or good I've been to her or tried to be. Nothing matters anymore to her, it seems, when it comes to me. It's really strange. We were always close in our own way, yet these days it seems she wouldn't care if I disappeared off the face of the earth. That's how it feels and I have no idea why. I haven't done anything to deserve this. I'm kind to her and her family, even when they aren't to me. She don't call me ever anymore, don't email or return emails anymore, even if I'm having a problem with something. She changes quite a bit over the years. I think she's become a snob or something. Her and I went through hell together just trying to survive in our lives and now she's doing better (I'm not) and now seems not to give a crap about me. It's sad. She's the only family I have and I don't have much else either. I don't bother her or make a pest of myself. I just want some reaching out to me and to share some joy together more often than just holiday time. She lives in my town, yet I'm made to feel like I live  on the other side of the country or something, the way she has no time for me ever. Her plate is full, but once in a while, give me a call...see how I am doing, show some interest, I may be dead in my apt....nobody would know or care. She is hard to talk to, but I managed to email her in a concerned way a couple of times and she actually admitted once that she was sorry if I felt she was ignoring me and was sorry if I felt hurt, but nothing has changed. She mentioned her priorities, which didn't include me. She has said "I never call anyone", and "I never email anyone" as a response to my inquiry. What kind of thing is that to say? First of all, she most certainly does call and email people and I'm not just 'anyone', I'm her sister. That means something to me, but apparently not to her. It sickens me to think about all this. It's depressing. I feel so lonely too. I don't deserve such treatment. She was always the bossy older outgoing sister and I feel now like I'm in a lifeboat all alone adrift. I've been buying the ticket, but the train never stops for me. No matter what, and I've tried everything, it doesn't look good.
  • cinderelli said Jul 8, 2011...
    Then again, some sister's may actually be a psychopath or sociopath (which ever word you prefer) and have no capacity to love or treat their sibling nicely. Yes, those people you should stay away from, because they will never change and you will only end up feeling worse. They do 'victimize' though and WE do not 'play' the victim. I mean come on, when someone is being nice to you, what reason could you have to be cruel to them? That is just plain WRONG. Makes NO sense to me, unless dealing with psychopathic tendencies of the other person (the inflictor), and that is still WRONG, but I guess they just can't help it...huh...poor things...grrrrrrrr. All this is making me depressed again.

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